Feeling like a Bad Pagan

(Cross-posted to my writing blog, so I'm sorry if you see this twice)
I’ve been reading the FANTASTIC book called Pillars of the Earth. There was a mini-series this summer about it, and I’m pretty sure I fell in love with all the characters, the story, everything.
Pillars of the Earth is about the 12th century England. There is the battle for the Throne between the EPIC Queen Maud and some guy named Stephen who I didn’t pay a lot of attention too. The other part of the plot, the one I’m more focused on, is about the building of a grand cathedral.
Okay, this is where the post gets interesting.

In Pillars of the Earth, being that it’s set in the 12th century, everyone is Catholic (except for the one woman, Ellen, who I think is more like a Christian Witch. I don’t think she’s a Pagan, but she’s a midwife, a healer, and she dislikes the hierarchy of the Church. Read the damn book, or watch the mini-series, if you want to know why). Now, I know some Catholics. My dad was Catholic, my Womb Buddy is Catholic. These are the cool Catholics.

I once met a Bishop. Funny story about that...
It was my Womb Buddy’s confirmation. I was fourteen. He had such a pimpin’ hat. Anyway, he was talking about how we can launch satellites into space, and then he was like “It’s God that holds Mars there”. I giggle!snorted, and people turned to glare at me. I hadn’t meant to giggle!snort, but I found it funny.

Moving on.
The Catholics in Pillars of the Earth are obviously...uh...not like modern Catholics. Now, we aren’t talking a lot about the Catholic hierarchy in the book/series, I believe the highest level we ever get to is Bishop, and that’s right near the end.

But, I’m reading this book, enjoying it, but I’m feeling like such a bad Pagan. Not because I’m reading it, but because of the Renos from Hell, I haven’t even wanted to bother to keep my altars clean. I had to use my room as a dumping ground for most of the summer, and I just haven’t felt motivated enough to clean it back up. I keep meaning too, and I’d like to get everything that shouldn’t be in my room—the cross-stitching, the sewing stuff—out and my life back. I was looking at my gemstones over the last week and they weren’t dusty, but they were clearly neglected. I felt so bad for letting the Recons get to me:
My mistake was Googling up some other Mesoamerican Pagans. Oh, I found them. They are all recons though, meaning they are trying to recreate the ancient religion. Basically, they are these elite little cliques and unless you’re exactly like them, you can’t have any opinions.
Yay for middle school flashbacks...

Anyway, I have no issues being called “Eclectic”, though in some Pagan and Wiccan circles, eclectic is another word for “flake”. I would rather be eclectic and be able to help Pagans and Wiccans of any persuasion than limit myself to being a Recon and only helping other Mesoamericans. Being a spiritual counsellor, I need to be able to address a variety of religious sects. In fact, with enough research, I could really attempt to help anyone in any faith.

The problem is, reading these blogs and sites be the recons make me feel so...unworthy. Like, they make me feel like I’m just a Fluffy Bunny Wiccan who has given the two deities of Wicca (The God and the Goddess) a Mesoamerican (and slash-tastic) face.

I’m slowly overcoming this, but it’s so hard. I want to feel spiritual again.